Is Your Social Life a Hot Mess?

By Mia Gutierrez

Let's face it, adulting isn't all champagne brunches and rooftop parties with your friends. Between work deadlines, Netflix binges, and figuring out how to file your taxes, social life often gets pushed to the bottom of our priorities. But here's the thing: strong social connections are crucial for our mental and emotional wellbeing. So if your social life has been feeling nonexistent (mine too), it’s time to change some things. It's time to pick up the pieces and rebuild a social life that actually sparks joy (and maybe a touch of laughter, too).

But First, Why Does Your Social Life Suck Anyway?

Before we spice up your nonexistent social life, let's figure out what the problem is. Here are some common culprits behind a lackluster social life:

  • Your Comfort Zone Will Kill You: Well maybe not kill you, but keep you from making friends. We're creatures of habit, and venturing outside our usual circles can feel like scaling Mount Everest in flip-flops. We would much rather stick with the 2 or 3 friends we know well, and just enjoy eachothers company, whether we're making exciting plans or laying on the coach scrolling on our phones. The thought of meeting new people or hanging out with a different group scares us.
  • You Struggle With Rejection: The fear of "no" can keep us locked in our social shells, even though everyone gets rejected sometimes. You may want to reach out to old friends and reconnect or newer connections, but you’re not sure what the vibes are. If you haven’t hung out before or even talked about it, it is kind of awkward to close that undefined boundary.
  • You’ve Got A Lot on Your Plate: New city, new job, limited hobbies – these factors can shrink our social pool faster than imaginale. If you just graduated college, and moved to pursue a new opportunity, your social life was/is probably the last thing on your mind. You're so focused on work and not wanting to ruin this new opportunity, that you have neglected your social desires.
  • You're Not A Natural Extrovert: Struggling to connect, express yourself, or navigate social cues can make building relationships feel like more work than fun. Maybe you are not naturally extroverted (and that’s okay), so it is harder to put yourself in social situations. Because of your difficulty to communicate efficiently, it either does not work out, or you avoid it at all costs.
  • You Feel Like You’re Alone: Scrolling through perfectly curated online lives can make your own social reality feel dull and inadequate. Your Instagram and Tiktok feed is full of other people in their 20’s living colorful lives.

Okay, Enough Gloom. Let's Fix This!

Here's the good news: you can do something about it. Here are some action steps to get your social life back on track, without the pressure of turning into a social butterfly you're not:

1: Self-Reflection 101:

Grab a pen and take a moment to think. What aspects of your social life would you like to improve? What parts of your social life do you like, and want to keep the same? Are there hidden fears holding you back from fulfilling your social desires? Does your lack of interaction affect your day-to-day mood? Be kind to yourself, but be honest. This self-awareness is your social GPS.

2: Baby Steps, Big Rewards:

Start small and manageable. Join a book club related to your interests, take a pottery class, or volunteer for a cause you care about. These low-pressure environments offer great opportunities to meet new people without the awkwardness of cold outreach. The chances you meet someone with similar interests are much higher, if you participate in something you enjoy. Our new Spark Membership offers a super casual way to meet new people, without having to take a big step.

3: Active Listening FTW:

In 2024, we are no longer dominating conversations. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and ask genuine questions. People love talking about themselves, so be the attentive listener who makes them feel heard and valued. Imagine how valued and respected you feel when someone shows interest in you and your thoughts/feelings.

4: Attend Community Events:

Look out for festivals, art walks, comedy shows, or sports games in your local community. You can enjoy yourself whether you go solo or with a group. Having a more vibrant social life does not always have to mean you are always with people, but maybe that you are experiencing new things in the world. However, if you get lucky, you may even meet people at these events.

5: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone:

You can’t expect to make any changes or see growth in your social life if you do not push your current boundaries. Take a stab at reaching out to new people you meet at work, old friends, or even someone you bump into in public. Or even plan exciting activities with your current friends. These unique experiences and people will keep your life interesting, and you will enjoy the thrill of each event. We (Social Spark) offers different events with recent grads, for the opportunity to connect with new friends, and a range of fun activities.

6: Embrace Imperfection:

Rejection happens. It's not a personal attack, just a reminder that not everyone clicks. Learn from each interaction, and don't let fear of rejection stop you from putting yourself out there.

7: Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection:

Building meaningful connections takes time and effort. Don't compare your journey to others. Celebrate small wins, like having a good conversation with a stranger or doing something exciting. Acknowledge your progress, no matter how slow it seems.

8: Start Hosting Gatherings:

I know whenever I’m scrolling on Tiktok, I see lots of small gatherings staying in. These can be some of the most fun events because they are with your closest friends, enjoying fun activities and good food. Some ideas to consider throughout the year include (but are certainly not limited to) pizza creation night, cocktail making party, vision board night, PJ party, candle decorating, wine and charcuterie board, etc. The options are truly endless!

9. Plan a Weekend Getaway:

This getaway does not have to break your bank. Research places you haven’t been to before that are within driving distance. Go grocery shopping beforehand to save on food. Go up with a few friends. And enjoy each other's company while exploring a new area. Traveling to new places is exhilarating and a good way to spice up your social life.

Bonus Tip: Seek Support if Needed:

If social anxiety or deeper issues are hindering your progress, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can equip you with tools and strategies to navigate social situations with confidence.


  • Your social life is unique to you. Don't chase trends or imitate others. Build connections that bring you joy and fulfillment. Lots of things on the Internet or social media are just the highlights of someone's life.
  • It's okay to have different social needs at different times. You don't need to be the life of the party every night. Life is all about balance. Try to do something social at least one more time a week than you currently do.
  • Be kind to yourself. This journey is about growth, not perfection. Mistakes are learning opportunities, and progress, even in small doses, is something to celebrate.

So, ditch the social media envy and put down the remote. The world is full of amazing people waiting to connect. With a little self-awareness, some actionable steps, and a dash of kindness towards yourself, you can build a social life that truly sparks joy and reminds you that connection is one of life's greatest gifts. Now go out there and rock it, but remember, you don't have to fly – just walk with confidence and a genuine smile. You've got this!

Is Your Social Life a Hot Mess?
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