By Anna Casper
With no more homework or late-night cramming sessions, your post-work hours are now filled with possibilities. Whether you're stepping out of the office or logging off from a virtual meeting, there’s no better way to spend your free time than connecting with others in your age group—especially those who, like you, are navigating new careers or adjusting to life in a new city.
There are people out there eager to find a friend just like you. Building meaningful friendships takes effort, but the rewards are worth it. Sometimes you’ll be able to find friends easier through opportunities like Social Spark, but whether here or elsewhere, they’ll always require your decision to seek them out and invest in new friendships.
My friend Emily Miller, is a great example of someone who pushed through periods of less-friends-than-she-wanted, and found her people. She graduated from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, a year early with a degree in Experience Industry Management. While she was proud of her achievement, the decision to leave college early came with its own set of challenges. Moving away from her college community meant leaving behind the friendships and social life she cherished.
Post-graduation, Emily found herself in a familiar but different place—back home in Orange County. Despite being surrounded by family, she felt like her social life was nearly nonexistent. She quickly realized how much she missed the vibrant community of friends she had in college. The isolation led her to frequently visit her college town, where she still felt a strong sense of belonging.
“Whenever I was back in San Luis Obispo, my social life was amazing. We did everything together—dinners, workouts, hikes, beach days. It was hard to replicate that when I moved back home,” she shared.
As time passed by she realized that there was no way that she could ditch the college town just quite yet. So, she found a cheap place to rent during what would be her fourth year. She decided to work at a coffee shop in her college town. This allowed her to still embrace her final years with her best friends.
Eventually, Emily made the decision to move to Laguna Beach, another city in Orange County, where she found a sense of community similar to what she had in college. Living near the beach, she quickly made friends with her neighbors and built a new social circle. The environment allowed her to live the life she loved—filled with spontaneous group activities, planned dinners, and shared interests.
Emily’s story highlights a common experience for many post-grads: the struggle to find a new community. While the friendships you made in college may be hard to replace, it’s important to remember that there are new connections waiting to be made wherever you go. The key is to be proactive in seeking them out.
Emily’s journey offers valuable lessons for anyone navigating the post-grad transition:
1. Be Open to Change: Feeling mentally torn during a move is normal—uncertainty about new friendships, where to socialize, and what to expect from your decision is natural. We all have an instinctive need to find a community and need to remind ourselves that change can be good for the soul!
2. Seek Out Community: Whether it's through work, hobbies, or shared interests, actively seek out communities where you can connect with others who share your values and lifestyle.
For Emily, the move left her feeling as though something was missing—an empty void she couldn't quite identify. She soon realized that what she craved most was the familiarity of her college town, where people knew her best. This led to frequent visits back to San Luis Obispo, sometimes two or more times a month.
“During that time, I was trying to make friends back home, and I made great friends at church, but it was so different,” she said. “The people in my college town knew me so well, and we were so close. Now, I’m close with all the friends I made at church, but it just takes time.”
Emily didn’t stop seeking a sense of community until she connected with her neighbors in Laguna Beach, who shared her passion for trying new hobbies and valued doing things together as a community rather than individually. Her persistence paid off, proving that finding the right community may take time, but it's worth the effort.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over: Making new friends as an adult takes time, but it’s worth the effort. Be patient with yourself and open to meeting people in new environments.
When Emily moved to Laguna Beach, she was stepping into the unknown, but she was prepared to seek out friendships, after recognizing her deficit while living at home. So she quickly introduced herself to her neighbors and invested in those friendships, which paid off.
Her experience shows that, sometimes, starting over can be the perfect opportunity for new friends, if you have the right mindset. Because she took the leap, and quickly invested in community, Emily now has awesome new friends to do life with. She still has to be intentional to make time and plan to hangout, but it is becoming more effortless. “The neighbors and I get together every day for some kind of activity,” she said. “Some are spontaneous, but others are planned. We have group dinners every Monday, play pickleball every Wednesday, have wine nights on Thursdays. It’s so nice—we swim, and we even watched the Olympics together.”
Emily’s story shows the power of being open to new experiences and environments. By embracing the opportunity to start fresh, she found a community that brought joy and connection into her life—proof that starting over doesn’t mean starting alone.
4. Stay True to Yourself: Authenticity is key to forming meaningful relationships. Be yourself, and you’ll attract people who resonate with who you are.
“I’m a yapper and a reacher-outer,” Emily shares. “I’m the type to treat everyone like they’re my best friend right from the start.... But you can’t make friends by sitting at home. We’re always going out, and I’m often the one inviting people to join in!”
Throughout her journey, one thing remained constant: Emily’s sense of self. She’s confident in who she is as a friend, embracing her personality, strengths, and even her weaknesses. This self-assurance has allowed her to build authentic connections wherever she goes.
So, if you’re starting fresh in a new town, take a page from Emily’s book: Be open to change, find your community, and most importantly, just be yourself. Her story shows that when you’re authentic and willing to put yourself out there, you can build friendships that last.
If you’re ready to put Emily’s tips into action, sign up for the Social Spark membership and attend mini socials with other people just like you!
