By Anna Casper
Turning acquaintances into best friends can be a challenge, especially in your 20s when life is changing post-grad. Fortunately, we are not the first to go through this transition, allowing us to learn from other people and their experiences.
Looking back at when I was a transfer student, I spent a lot of time planning on how I was going to meet friends and how I was going to maintain those relationships. My main concern was how to keep them strong within the short period of two years that I have been given at my school. Not only did I care about making them last, but I also cared about making authentic friendships.
I moved to my college town a month and a half before the school year, so I was new to the area and did not have a strong friend group. I knew I needed some sort of interaction that involved people who were seeking the same thing.
At that time, fortunately I knew I would have the help of a classroom setting where I would be surrounded by people in a similar stage of life, but up until that point I was in a similar transitional challenge that post grads experience.
It wasn’t until the week of transfer orientation where I felt a sense of community and belonging due to the positive impact that the pre-planned event had in store for friendship building and interaction. This helped me appreciate what pre-planned and organized events could do for building my social life.
With the help of events and social gatherings, my imposter syndrome wore away at a faster rate. I was able to meet some of my best friends through the group that I was placed in. The people were from various majors and had different career goals, allowing me to create connections with diverse people. I have continued to spend time with the friends that were in the same event group, outside of that exciting week. Now approaching life outside of school, I have a better idea of what I need to do when looking for new friends.
Here are some of the things that are important to me when building new connections .
Seek Common Interests
Sharing common interests and finding similarities with a coworker at work can have a major impact on how you adapt to post-grad life.
When it comes to feeling included and finding a community of people that you resonate with on a deeper level, other than work, try to create small talk with coworkers. Ask them about their hobbies, their career, or anything really. Creating conversation that is sparked with curiosity can lead to a reciprocation of interest. This can lead to deeper and more authentic interactions, and hangouts outside of the office!
Personally, the people I have been able to resonate most with, are people who enjoy having an active lifestyle. It shows that they care about their health and well-being, prioritize themselves, and develop a mindset that encourages others to do the same and share similar interests. Some of the similar interests that I have shared with new friends are going to yoga, trying a new hike, or even road tripping to find a new beach somewhere.
Common interests can be a great conversation starter and can spark a special friendship that you didn’t know you needed.
Initiate Plans
Many college students are used to working on campus, being involved with clubs, performing volunteer work, or being in Greek life. There are events that are planned for the individual to attend in order to experience that interaction that all humans crave, conversation and community.
Post-grad life can feel overbearing and out of control. You are no longer on a school routine, don’t have the same friend group living right by you, and have more free time. Something to consider is that there are many people that are in need of a friend like you.
“Graduating and taking on a remote position is weird because there really isn’t a sense of community in the town that I am in, which is another major factor. It is cool to see people here and there, but there really isn’t a sense of community. My job is great, I get to talk to people, but at the same time, everybody is busy,” says class of 2024 graduate, Zack Hardebeck.
One consideration is to initiate what you’re wanting out of a friendship, if you are wanting to meet a friend for lunch, initiate your interest. It might not be easy to be the first one to initiate, but both people will benefit from it. The person receiving the text will notice you care and make them a priority, and the person sending the text will recognize their own personal characteristics as a friend.
As a company we understand the importance of friendship and human connection. Joining Social Spark is a great way to meet like-minded individuals who are seeking the same things you are! Our socials are perfect for meeting new people that you can continue to reach out to, fostering true friendships.
Communicate Openly
Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Encourage your friend to be vulnerable and expressive with their emotions as well, creating a safe space for both of you to express yourselves freely.
Adapting to a new chapter of life is not easy. One day you are living with friends, debriefing the night before, and then you enter a new phase of life without this usual interaction. This can be viewed as a very exciting time, but also nerve-racking. Being away from the community for a long period of time can lead to feelings that lead to imposter-syndrome.
When I moved away from my hometown friends in San Clemente and started focusing on community involvement in San Luis Obispo, I felt the distance affecting my old bonds. From seeing the same people every day, to meeting new people, it is important to remain in-touch and in tune with your emotions. Communicate openly with both old friendships and new. Communication was the interfering factor that put distance between the people. There was something off because no one knew the feelings that were being felt.
Be Dependable
Reliability builds trust. Be punctual, keep your promises, and be there for your friend in times of need, encouraging them to also reciprocate this favor to you. Dependability and consistency are two key components to turning acquaintances into friends. Having friends that plan a time to see you, and follow through with the plan is one of the most reassuring feelings. Having people in your life like this gives you a sense of comfort and peace, not leaving you in a place of doubt or uncertainty. Considering how recent graduation was, you may rely on dependability through communication, rather than in person, when it comes to adapting to an unfamiliar environment.
I used to struggle with understanding the intentions of people that I was getting to know. I wasn’t sure if they were wanting to be “friends” but really just acquaintances, or if they were wanting to be friends that consistently set aside time to be intentional and have authentic conversations. The conversations that are not always easy to have. The ones where you are able to open up about your struggles, things you have overcome over the years, and even passions that no one knows about. If I am ever struggling with something at work and need someone to talk to, there are at least three people in my mind that would pick up the phone and listen. Being able to have people in my life that are not flakey, allows me to mentally feel like I have a safety net of support when it comes to a community of friends that support me in the midst of highs and lows
Celebrate Milestones
The rush of dopamine after accomplishing a goal or task is always a relieving mental feeling. It is even more relieving when you have a community that wants to stand alongside you and celebrate. Adapting to a new community, one that is capable of celebrating little wins and major milestones with you, can take time, but it will all come to fruition as you put yourself out there. This can be with the help of planned socials through Social Spark, giving you a place to gather and connect with similar, goal-oriented people, making the process of finding your community easier to find.
When it comes to celebrating people it is important to remember what and who you are celebrating.
“Make sure you turn the conversation towards them and not towards yourself. Be aware of social queues and social topics and just listening and being there for people. Surroundings. If they feel that you are listening to them, they will feel a connection with you, will want to see you again, and have other conversations with you,” said Zack Hardebeck.
Building meaningful friendships in your 20s can be both challenging and rewarding (trust us, we know!). It's a time of change and discovery, and being intentional in forming connections can lead to deep, lasting relationships. By focusing on shared interests, initiating plans, communicating openly, being reliable, and celebrating each other's successes, you can turn casual acquaintances into close friends.
Social Spark is here to help facilitate these connections through socials where you can meet like-minded people. Remember, many others are also looking to build their social circle, so don't hesitate to reach out and take the initiative. Embrace new experiences and be open to forming connections. Whether you're navigating post-grad life or settling into a new city, the friendships you build now can be some of the most rewarding in your journey.